Toxic

i'll swallow my drink of death

and let it digest

so that manifest,

our love can rest.

...

black

is the color my depressed soul has worn

with dark, opaque jewels

my crown is adorned.

from what they see,

to you is shown more;

internal conflict,

outright war.

our consciences battle

for final control

our hearts take over-

FINALLY, self-control,

but haunting

are the truths i know.

you said i am your first

will be your last,

but i feel i'm not your only.

i'm scared

terrified

i need consoling.

help me

i'm crying

baby please hold me

i'm hurting concerning

what i thought i'd forgiven.

...

tell me it's not true

lets continue living

as lovers

but best friends

above the afore mentioned.

"it's not true, baby"

is what would please

but my eyes won't let me believe.

i see

clearly

that you love her equally

and it's all my fault

the way you share thoughts

with she

desperately

waiting to seek

admiration

and hope

to pull her

from her downward slope.

to anyone else

she's a normality;

they walk around

and step over her casually.

no one knows

her beauty

like you and me,

no one unveils her truths

the way you speak;

how you caress the pen so gently,

smooth strokes of "Notion"

expand the sheets

-much like ours last night-

of paper

with devotion.

silently,

you explain to me

the importance of what you've

written,

why it's poetry-

and totally,

i agree.

gifted, you are

in sharing expressions

to excite internally

to invigorate

to captivate

to motivate

and appreciate

whole-heartedly,

but where does that

leave room for me?

who do i tell

the days you're not there

to warm me like you do

the one whom with you i share?

i was here first.

don't you see?

i need you.

i need you more than she!

i need you here,

here beside me

and only me.

please?

...

in your eyes, i'm the best,

much better

than anyone else.

i'm just what you want

-supporting her and you,

realizing there's no longer

just us two.

so, forever my wretchedness

will remain taboo.

...

i'll swallow my drink of death

and let it digest

so that manifest,

our love can rest.